I like to think that I’m pretty good at being kind and caring to myself and in many ways I am. Yet, there is a way that I am horribly unkind to myself … and I’m sure I’m not the only one. It’s self judgement.
I can automatically say and think unkind things to myself about my actions that I’d never dream of saying to anyone else, I hold myself up to ridiculous standards, I’m eagle eyed to spot my so called ‘failures’ and can easily critique my every move (especially regarding my businesses). I do also find things to appreciate and celebrate my ‘wins’ yet, if I look at whether my inner talk is more judgements or celebrations, I have to acknowledge those judgements do get a LOT of airtime.
Is self judgement under the radar in your life?
Part of me is even a bit embarrased to share this because I don’t like to be judged and it’s uncomfortable to have my ‘flaws’ on display, especially when I help others with these issues. But, that’s just how it is. And, it’s better to have it ‘out’ than for me to be pretending it isn’t an issue whilst it runs constantly in the background under the radar.
That’s what can happen, it can feel so normal so we don’t even notice it (or notice the true depth of it) until it really gets extreme or until we reach a point where we just aren’t willing to tolerate it anymore.
I’ve just got to that point. I noticed this week (during a session where I was exploring some of my patterns) when I was feeling uncomfortable and defensive about something, what did I do? Did I soothe myself? Was I gentle with myself? No, I just heaped a load of self judgements on myself for being uncomfortable and feeling stuck. What a wake up call!
Kick it to the curb.
So, if self judgement is an issue for you, are you ready to let it go?
If so, read on.
Step 1: Recognition.
As I just said, self judgement is so prevalent that we sometimes don’t even notice we’re doing it. It can feel quite normal, like part of who we are. Yet, if we’re going to ‘call it out’, we have to recognise that it’s there (and know that it’s not our true nature).
Step 2: Be in allowance.
If, like me, once you recognise your self judgements you start judging yourself for having them, stop. It takes time to change. Just allow them to be there for a little while. Even just as an experiment. Just notice them for what they are. They’re just crazy thoughts swimming around in your head, that’s all.
Step 3: Change your approach and energy.
You get to choose how you respond to them. Here’s the good news. You don’t have to take them on or react to them. Once you stop identifying with them as true, it’s way easier to let them go and to reduce their significance.
A tool that I love to use when I feel myself reacting to that inner judge is EFT tapping. I demonstrate a super quick way to use it to reduce the intensity when we feel engulfed by self judgement in this week’s video (and also have an full tap-along video for self judgement that you can join in with here).
In this week’s video I was also inspired to share a quick tip from the wonderful Rachael O’Brien, from the teachings of Access Consciousness, thanks Rachael.
Video
How does self judgement affect you?
I’m really curious to know about your experiences with self judgement, how it affects your life and how you feel your life would improve if it wasn’t an issue for you. Share your comments or stories below or email them to me to info (at) thethoughtgardener (dot) com
I’m going to be diving deeper into this topic in the future, so stay tuned, this is just the beginning. I have a feeling I may run an online challenge for this really soon.To be sure to stay in the loop you can join my mailing list (by subscribing to the free video series, top right). I’ll post details out nearer the time.
If you know of someone who could benefit from releasing some self judgement (and who wouldn’t?) then send them to this article. I’d love to see more of us kick the habit of self judgement to the kerb.
Thank you.
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