What exactly IS Comparisonitis?
Comparisonitis is a rampant state of dis-ease and I’ll confess that it’s one I have sucummed to myself.
Whilst it doesn’t have me snuffling and sniffling like a physical condition such as a cold would, it’s effects are still not to be sniffed at. It can leave people feeling disheartened, not good enough and vulnerable to other states of dis-ease such as jealousy and low self esteem (of course jealousy and low self esteem can in themselves exacerbate a case of comparisonitis, they’re all connected and all part of the same energy).
Here are some of my thoughts on this prevalent condition.
1. What’s the difference between healthy ‘competition’ and comparisonitis?
I know people like a bit of healthy ‘competition’ and they feel it motivates them and that’s fine IF it makes them feel good or they feel excited to be playing that kind of game. It’s the same with setting goals, it gives you something to aim for … BUT … if you find yourself feeling awful becuase you aren’t earning what your friend or colleage is, you don’t have a partner that is as nice as xyz’s partner (or you don’t have a partner at all and it seems like EVERYONE else does) or if you just don’t feel as successful as others and noticing that feels really icky or you start to feel jealous … then I recommend you back off playing the comparison game.
Why? Here is the simplest answer – because it isn’t serving you to keep noticing things that feel bad like that. Your emotional response is showing you that you just aren’t on the right track.
2. How does it take hold?
I’ve noticed, from my own experience, that it tends to be when we’re already feeling a bit fragile that we let comparisonitis creep in. Now generally I love seeing others around me succeed. It shows me the possibilities that are open to us all, and it’s great to see people, especially those I know and care about, happy and thriving. Yet, when my energy is less bouyant than usual I can find myself feeling ‘not good enough’ when I perceive that others have achieved some great thing that I haven’t.
3. The dangers of putting up with it.
It can be a slippery slope to focus that way. I can feel my energy plummet whenever I start down that thought trail. It’s so easy to spiral into thinking about past ‘failures’ and other times when you didn’t achieve certain things. Frankly, it can crush your spirit flat. I’ve never found that feeling bad like that motivated me to succeed or improve, it just made me feel more dis-illusioned, jaded or fed up. That just isn’t pretty, or necessary.
4. How to stop it in it’s tracks.
You need to change your focus. I always suggest that a bit of self kindness and self soothing as an initial balm for comparisonitis. When we’re comparing ourselves to others we’re usually judging ourselves harshly and we need to turn that around.
You may think that I’d suggest instantly flipping your thoughts to those of your own proud past successes or achievements, but it can be hard to jump that far with our thoughts. When we self soothe first (and that can be an initial distraction – a nap, reading a good book, going for a walk or doing whatever it takes to soothe you) and, as Abraham-Hicks suggest, get less specific and more general, then we’re in a more receptive mind space to re-focus.
I also advocate using EFT tapping to help you change your energy and snap out of comparisonitis. So, in this weeks video, in which I share some more thoughts on comparisonitis, I include a quick round of EFT tapping to help you do just that. The tapping starts 2 minutes and 45 seconds into the video. Click here or on the image below to watch the video.
What do YOU think?
Have you found yourself crippled by comparisonitis?
Or have you manaed to use the success of others to motivate you to greater success yourself?
I’d love to hear all about it in the comments section below.
Also, do share your results with us if you tried the tapping.
Feel free to share this article so more will benefit.
Thank you.
Hi Ferris, we met at the conference in Spain a year ago and I saw your info for these videos and thought I would be nosey!
Wow .. how glad am I … talk about perfect timing … I could go on and on but suffice to say that several issues came up for me and at least I have clarity on why I can be so “picky” over silly small stuff with other peoples work.
It is with everything and has been building up inside … even watching TV I will notice something and question it and make a big deal about it (sometimes I am wrong anyway) It had gotten to the stage where I was really getting “fed up” with me.
I have just watched all your videos and had the realisation or should I say confirmation of what I had been thinking for a while … that it is of course more about me …
It is because I am looking for perfection … when I don´t achieve it … It gives me a reason to not progress forward in my work.
I have taken a few courses and gained so much knowledge over the years but never let myself get to the finish line so to speak.
I have the opportunity to do a talk in September about my way of healing with energy work/EFT etc.
Public speaking is no problem for me but although I seem to do well … interact with people and get them interested … I let the energy go and dissipate afterwards.
I never seem to progress with confidence and enthusiasm … its like I put the best bait on my hook and catch a great big juicy fish (oops sorry if you are a veggie) … start again …
Its like I plant the best seed give it the best conditions … it starts to flourish … grows into the most beautiful bright and attractive flower … then what do I do … Do I collect the seed and start again … do I cut it and display it and start again … do I teach others how to do the same … do I? do I? do I?
I can´t just relax and see where the experience takes me.
Sorry I am going on and realise that I am using this as a sounding board for my thoughts so again thank you because you have helped me in my self healing for today.
I like your natural and open manner and think this is a fab idea.
Keep up the good work Ferris X
What great insights you found for yourself Marion (yes I remember you well from the conference, we had fun connecting there).
Of course, the great thing about writing and expressing these thoughts is that it’s then so much easier to tap on them and move past those self imposed limitations 🙂
I bet once you do some tapping and feel into how you’d like things to progress and ‘finish’ (or even evolve) that you’ll get some great clarity.
Your talk in September could be a great opportunity to see that change for yourself.
Thanks for sharing that with me and for your appreciation of my work.